- C U R R E N T -

CLOTHES: tan pants, blue guster/ben folds/rufus wainwright shirt
MOOD: eh...bored...?
MUSIC: Afi-Silver and Cold
TASTE: spit?
MAKE-UP: none.
HAIR: wet
ANNOYANCE: heh...
SMELL: basement air
FAVORITE ARTIST: guster/weezer/bnl
DESKTOP PICTURE: grassy hill thing...I can't change it...
BOOK YOU'RE READING: Crack in the Line
CD IN PLAYER: random mix I made several months ago
DVD IN PLAYER: donnie darko?
COLOR OF TOENAILS: toenail color?
REFRESHMENT: none
WORRY: umm...don't know...couple things I could choose from I'm sure


- L A S T . P E R S O N ... -

YOU TOUCHED: josh (art shut up)
YOU TALKED TO: in person-mom, on phone-art, on IM(most recent of all)-art
HUGGED: umm..whoever I saw last on the last day of school before vacation
YOU INSTANT MESSAGED: art
YOU YELLED AT: josh or art
YOU KISSED: n/a


- F A V O R I T E ... -

FOOD: veggie lasagna...veggie quiche
DRINK: eggnog
COLOR: red
ALBUM: everything for everyone, BnL
SHOES: black flame converses
CANDY: twix
ANIMAL: cats
TV SHOW: simpsons, queer eye for the straight guy
MOVIE: Boondock Saints, Donnie Darko
DANCE: um….
SONG: Boulevard of Broken Dreams
VEGETABLE: carrot
FRUIT: cerries
CARTOON: simpsons


- A R E . Y O U ... -

UNDERSTANDING: think so
OPEN-MINDED: yes
ARROGANT: on occasion
INSECURE: somewhat
INTERESTING: dunno
RANDOM: oh yes
HUNGRY: not right now
SMART: sporadically
MOODY: mm
CHILDISH: aren't we all
HARD WORKING: rarely
ORGANIZED: sorta
HEALTHY: um…
SHY: somewhat
DIFFICULT: hehe
ATTRACTIVE: sure why not
BORED EASILY: At times
MESSY: Sometimes
THIRSTY: not now
RESPONSIBLE: maybe?
OBSESSED: heehee no comment
ANGRY: confused
SAD: sometimes
HAPPY: think so
HYPER: late at night just before I crash completely
TRUSTING: selectively so
TALKATIVE: with the right people
LEGAL: nope


- W H O . D O . Y O U . W A N T . T O ... -

KILL: No one
SLAP: josh and art
GET REALLY WASTED WITH: No one
GET HIGH WITH: No drugs…
LOOK LIKE: erm dunno
TALK TO OFFLINE: shre
TALK TO ONLINE: james

MY NAME IS: sarah
IN THE MORNING I AM: really really tired
ALL I NEED IS: ...love?
LOVE IS: ..something I don’t have?
I'M AFRAID OF: death
I DREAM ABOUT: hahahahahaha


- H A V E . Y O U . E V E R ... -

PICTURED YOUR CRUSH NAKED: no
ACTUALLY SEEN YOUR CRUSH NAKED: no
BEEN IN LOVE: I think so
CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: Yes
LIED: yep


- W H I C H . I S . B E T T E R -

COKE OR PEPSI: coke
FLOWERS OR CANDY: candy..flowers make me sneeze
TALL OR SHORT: Average


- D O . Y O U . E V E R -

SIT ON THE INTERNET ALL NIGHT WAITING FOR THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE TO I.M. YOU?: no
SAVE IM CONVERSATIONS?: yes
WISH YOU WERE A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?: no
CRIED BECAUSE OF SOMEONE SAYING SOMETHING TO YOU?: yes.


- H A V E . Y O U . E V E R -

FALLEN FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND?: um...sort of
BEEN REJECTED?: Yes
REJECTED SOMEONE?: Yes
USED SOMEONE?: don't think so
BEEN CHEATED ON?: impossible, given my record
DONE SOMETHING YOU REGRET?: oh yes

- E X T R A S -

SMOKE CIGARETTES?: no
COULD YOU LIVE WITHOUT THE COMPUTER?: no
COLOR YOUR HAIR?: no
EVER GET OFF THE DAMN COMPUTER?: under protest, or when no one is online
HABLA ESPANOL?: ugh.
HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE ON UR BUDDY LIST?: dunno
DRINK ALCOHOL?: never
LIKE WATCHING SUNRISES OR SUNSETS?: yes
WHAT HURTS THE MOST, PHYSICAL OR EMOTIONAL PAIN?: emotional

- N U M B E R -

OF TIMES I HAVE HAD MY HEART BROKEN: only once I think
OF HEARTS I HAVE BROKEN: dunno
OF GUYS I'VE KISSED (NOT COUNTING FAMILY): 0
OF GIRLS I'VE KISSED (NOT COUNTING FAMILY): 0
OF CONTINENTS I HAVE LIVED IN: 1
OF TIGHT FRIENDS: 3 or 4
OF CD'S THAT I OWN: few dozen
OF SCARS ON MY BODY: 6 or 7
OF THINGS IN MY PAST THAT I REGRET: can't count

- Y O U R . T H O U G H T S -

I KNOW: the quadratic formula
I WANT: him?
I HAVE: music playing in my ears
I HATE: the human race
I FEAR: death
I HEAR: music
I SEARCH: for...I don't know
I WONDER: if mallow will die soon
I REGRET: many things
I LOVE: shreya!
I ACHE: not at the moment
I CARE: about my friends
I ALWAYS: think way too fast
I AM NOT: drunk
I DANCE: badly
I SING: badly
I CRY: rarely
I DO NOT ALWAYS: admit anger
I FIGHT: art...he always wins damn him
I WRITE: only in my computer journal thing lately
I WIN: rarely
I LOSE: my mine
I CONFUSE: myself
I LISTEN: to music
I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND: on the computer or my room
I NEED: an oreo
I AM HAPPY: when with friends...unless they are insanely depressed about something
I SHOULD HAVE: called when I had the chance...now joe has the phone

Me: happy jew year
Me: *new year
Me: : D
Shre: did you mean to do that?
Me: *cough*
Me: o course not
Me: : D
Shre: 'cause I was about to "lmfao" but then i'd just be falling prey to your judaic trickery
Me: we wouldn't want that would we?

Sarah: but he sounded kinda weirded out when you were like "you're schaffer!"
Sarah: like "is there something wrong with him..?"
Me: look, i spent years never knowing the final schaffer
Me: it was a big thing
Me: i was at a loss for words
Sarah: haha
Me: like, finding the holy grail
Me: ...but just of schaffers
Me: ok, so when king arthur found the holy grail, what did he say
Me: "IT'S THE HOLY GRAIL"
Sarah: umm
Me: when i found dan
Me: what did i say
Sarah: hahahaha
Sarah: wow
Me: "YOU'RE SCHAFFER"
Sarah: josh
Me: see
Me: makes total sense
Sarah: you will never cease to amaze me
Sarah: never

Dan's new official title is now the "hallowed final schaffer also known as the holy grail of the schaffer clan."

Drive safe, folks.
I'll be here all week.
- Josh

"robin williams is so a jew-wannabe" ~Joshy-poo

Josh, I found another person who thinks we should hook up. What the hell goes through these people's sick minds?

I am compiling a list:

James
Art

Anyone want to add their name to this list of sick, twisted minds, let me know.
On second thought, don't. This is weird enough.

What stupid celebrity are you destined to kill? by daydreamer8852
Name
Birthdate
You killed
With a
On	June 28, 2019
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Oh goodness my little baby davies is an adult now.

You're 18. Scary thought, in't? Seeing as it's already tomorrow it's a little late for me to tell you to have a good time today. But. Have a good day tomorrow. Which is really today. 6 minutes into today. Wow I'm confusing myself.

Happy Birthday, you silly goosefox.

*singing* and many more...

It seems Sarah has changed the password on me so I can no longer post here.
I'm just being naughty here and bypassing the system.
Oopsies.
But from now on, no more Josh.


You can start crying now.


*sob*
- Josh



and at 12:08, sarah says: oh stop crying joshy-poo...I'll tell you the password eventually...you just have to not tell me the world'd going to end. I get weird and gullible when it gets late at night.

They say all is fair in love and war, but the love is better because then the Geneva Convention doesn't prevent you from using nerve gas.


*twitch*
- Josh

I AM SATAN!!!


"I am not going to scream it...Josh...my parents are going to think I'm crazy. I mean, I am, but that's besides the point." - Sarah


Peace, Love, and Understanding
...fuck that, go kill something and eat it like a real man.
I know I am ~Josh

My lj wedding by chynafox
username
age
city
you will marry	mr_not_perfect
flower girl	cinderfloyd28
best man	loserartimus
bridesmaid	gcrockgurl16
you will have your last fling with	embracesthedork
registrar	mr_not_perfect
secretly wants to marry you themself	gcrockgurl16
date of the wedding	May 13, 2019
number of times you do it on your wedding night	41
Quiz created with MemeGen!

I think I need more people on my livejournal friends list, seeing as some people get to be in my wedding twice. Aww, Kristine...I never knew you cared...

Today, after knowing me for over a year, for all the time she's been in this town, Shreya has just learned that my mother is Christian (so I'm half-and-half). Art's only known me three months...he can be forgiven this. But come on, Shre. Over a year. :-P


Don't you love the innocence of small children? At the library today, I was sitting and reading, and this little 3-year-old walks up and just starts talking to me, asking me what I'm doing, what kind of book I'm reading, why I'm wearing a hat, why I have black hair ("Well that's the color hair I was born with." "Really? I have blue eyes. My mom has blue eyes but my dad has brown eyes. My sister has brown eyes. She's 5.")...this kid has no clue who I am, he doesn't care. It's so cute. Then when his mom came, she said, "Are you talking to the lady?" and he said, "That's not a lady, that's a boy." Which was weird, but funny.










Jealousy
Turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibi
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
I’m Mr Brightside

talking to james on the phone...what the hell is he doing?

woot yeah...
so. This is made up of random lyrics from a bunch of different songs, so it's really only partially original. Oh vell. Let's see if anyone can tell me all the songs I used!
Stumped? Look below the poem, I'll list all the bands in order of appearance. (but try without looking first!)


It makes me sick
It makes me sick thinking about you
I shouldn't regret those things
Don't waste your time on me
I'll stay here, I'll be fine
I'll walk alone
It makes me sick thinking about you
Thinking about somebody else

My heart is on the floor
Why don't you step on it?
Did you think that I would cry?
Don't waste your time on me
I'll be fine

You put my brain in overload
The girl with the broken smile
My heart's beating faster
There's a tension when we speak
The pain enough to choke
It makes me sick thinking about you
Thinking about somebody else

In the dream I refuse to have
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Two points for honesty
You never cared at all
I was never more alive
Love me, hate me
Make me live again
Only in dreams
You never cared at all
Nobody cares at all




The bands:
Return of the 72
Blink 182
Sixpence None the Richer
Green Day
Saves the Day
The All American Rejects
Radiohead
Maroon 5
Sugarcult
The New Amsterdams
Barenaked Ladies
Guster
Better Than Ezra
Weezer

"It makes me sick thinking about you thinking about somebody else"



Went to a concert of random local bands tonight...concert was actually from 3-10:30ish, I went from 4:30-6:30. Saw Nick and Andrew there, hung out with them and Andrew's weird friends, it was fun. Saw TJ's brother's band for the first time...Return of the 72 (hehehe...Return of the Monkey Puppets)...glad I went tonight. Lots of fun.

"I thought to myself, where wouldn't anybody notice a town full of robots? Connecticut!"



Sam: I want to smuggle a cow into my house. But if they do not climb stairs it will be intensly difficult.




So...James is going out with Kat. That makes him...like...my twin-in-law...sorta. *twin!*

Yeah I used my livejournal username for this one...don't know why...but oh well.

What superhuman team you'd be a member of by seductionjunkie
username
favorite color scheme	Black and PurpleBlack and SilverBlack and GoldBlack and RedBlack and GreenBlack and BlueBlack and WhiteRed and WhiteRed and BlueRed and GreenRed and YellowRed and PurpleRed and SilverRed and BrownBlue and SilverBlue and GreenBlue and WhiteBlue and PurpleBlue and YellowBlue and BrownGreen and YellowGreen and PurpleGreen and WhiteGreen and Silver
favorite clothing style	Skintight spandexTights and a cape/cloakLong robes and a hooded cloakLeather trenchcoat, shirt and pantsScantily cladcompletely nakedGoggles and oversized gloves and bootsfancy suits and tiesbondage gear and naughty stufftattoos and face paint
your superpowers:	the ability to create ice and cold
and	the ability to kill with a thought
and	the ability to create zombies
your codename	The Gangbanger
your greatest weakness	a big blue guy with antennae
your sidekick	loserartimus
your own particular idiom	analyzing everything scientifically
your favorite quote	"Outta my way, bub"
you would be a member of	The Revengers
Quiz created with MemeGen!

There is something inherently wrong about a teddy bear that wears a black leather hat and vest and sings "Born to be Wild".



Oh yeah, and Merry Christmas to all you goyim out there.

I must have a giant sign on my forehead that says "hire me for shit". It was only 3 weeks ago that I had to play waiter for Mr. Rader's party (I can still smell the 40$ burning a hole in my jew pockets), and suddenly Marty Kluger calls me up and says he needs me on Christmas fucking Eve (THAT'S MY TV NIGHT!) to help him...carry drums?
As we all know (ahem..), he's the timpanist in the Springfield Symphony Orchestra.
This equals free tickets for Josh.
That's all well and good, but tonight he had a new job. The lead trumpeter for the Hartford Symphony Orchestra, his good buddy, needed a drummer for Midnight Mass at St. Joseph's Cathedral in Hartford on Christmas Eve.
Now Marty needed a roadie.
This is when I figured that giant sign I never knew existed must actually be there
Yeah, I agreed to do it.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

Catholics are fucking nuts.

Let's put it this way. I got to sit on a drumstick box behind the timpani (up in the lofty freezing cold reaches of the giant choir box thing 30 feet above everything else) for an hour and a half while a very, very lazy archbishop bitched around on his shiny little pedestal. I did get to turn the pages for the organist at one point. And then at 1.30 AM I got to help lug 2 50 lb. drums down 12 or so flights of stairs. Yay.

Some quotes from the evening:

Mr. Kluger: That archbishop fellow has been droning on for 15 minutes now...
Me: He sounds genuinely bored.
Mr. Kluger: Now Josh, be respectful.
Mr. Kluger: .....
Mr. Kluger: *sigh*
Mr. Kluger: You know what, it sounds like he's making a call to jihad down there.
Me: No way, he sounds way too bored to be making a call to jihad.

Mr. Kluger: So, did you know when to turn the pages?
Me: Well, he just kinda nodded.
Mr. Kluger: That takes talent. He's always banging his head around anyway while playing that thing.
Me: Well, it must be a rush to play an instrument 3 stories tall.
Mr. Kluger: It's like an instru-gasm.

Archbishop: Merry Christmas!
Bitch in Choir: AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!
Mr. Kluger (under breath): Oy.

Mr. Kluger: You know what those wafers and wine represented, right? The body and blood of jesus!
Me: .....but now with half the calories!
Mr. Kluger: *laughs so hard he almost runs off the road*

Looking back, I worded this entire post very badly. But between the time of the morning, those damn heavy drums, and spending 2 hours sitting on a box with a snare drum, a cymbal, 2 timpani, a trumpet, a tuba, and a 3 story organ about 1-5 feet away from me, fuck it.

- Josh, still twitching.

quote of the day:

Art: I like various different colors. And by various I mean 2.


quote of the yesterweek:

Irina: They're going to take one look at it and say, "Yup, Jews decorated that Christmas tree."


quote(s) of the yestermonth (ah, remembering the insanity...):

Me: Nick, just put the lens cover on and press record!
Nick: I'm trying to find where we left off.
Me: Are you fast-fowarding?
Nick: Yes!
Me: Is it-
Nick: *flips me off*
Me: Nick, do you know what you're doing?
Nick: Yes! I'm watching James jump off a bridge and I kinda like it.

Nick: All right, I won't talk!

Mrs. Copley: Okay, I'm going to be across the hall throwing on the wheel.
James: Really? 'Cause I'm going to throw up right here, without a wheel.

Mrs. Copley: Go jump around.
James: Yeah! Let's do some flips! Okay, here's what we're gonna do...
Me: What are we gonna do?
James: I'm going to spin around in circles and then try and do a handstand.
Nick: We are going to get you to puke before this day is over.

James: Sarah, I trust you more than I trust Nick.
Nick: You don't trust me, James?
James: No.
Nick: James, I'll give you the best sex of your life.
James: Well...that's not the point. I'm not looking for sex right now.
Nick: What are you looking for?
James: ...A strip tease.

This may never start
We could fall apart
And not be your memory
Lost your sense of fear
Feelings insincere
Cannot be your memory
So get back back back to where we lasted
Just like I imagined
I could never feel this way
So get back back back to the disaster
My heart's beating faster
Holding on to feel the same
This may never start
I'll tear us apart
Could not be your enemy
Losing half a year
Waiting for you here
I'd be your anything
So get back back back to where we lasted
Just like I imagined
I could never feel this way
So get back back back to the disaster
My heart's beating faster
Holding on to feel the same
This may never start
Tearing out my heart
Not be your memory
Lost your sense of fear
(Could not be your memory)
Feelings disappeared
Could not be your memory
So get back back back to where we lasted
Just like I imagined
I could never feel this way
So get back back back to the disaster
My heart's beating faster
Holding on to feel the same
This may never start
We could fall apart
And not be your memory
Lost your sense of fear
Feelings insincere
Could not be your memory
Could not be your memory

My words confuse you
My eyes don't move a blink
'Cause it's easier sometimes not to be sincere
Somehow I make you believe
Believe
When I speak I cross my fingers
Will you know you've been decieved?
I find a need to be the demon
A demon cannot be hurt
Honest is easy
Fiction's where genius lies
'Cause it's easier sometimes not to be involved
Somehow I make you believe
Believe
When I speak I cross my fingers
Will you know you've been decieved?
I find a need to be the demon
A demon cannot be hurt
When I speak I cross my fingers
Will you know you've been decieved?
I find a need to be the demon
A demon cannot be hurt
When I speak I cross my fingers
Will you know you've been decieved?
I find a need to be the demon
A demon cannot be hurt

Hahaha Art is going to legally change his name on the 29th. That silly goosefox. Good luck with it, dearie.



*sigh*...and today was Scottiekins's last day at GHS...last day before winter break...I dunno...blarg.









Uncommon amount of the time at home, hardly a word on the telephone.
Finally find the time to get to know you.
Still mapping it out like a master plan, something to do with my idle hands.
Write you a letter addressed from California.
It's vivid and strong in my memory, an absence that smacks of abandoning.
It let to the battle that ultimately destroyed us.
I'm nothing if I don't know your mistakes, the pill is as bitter as I can take.
It twists like a blade when I leave for California.
I hope that you know this is killing me, it's all in the name of the family.
We only can play the cards the dealer dealt us.
The end of the cycle is closing in, with you I see new hope begin again.
There suddenly seems to be promise in California.
As heavy as all this is weighing me, believe in the words I am promising.
I'm still here for her.
The distance is only an obstacle, hardly a match for a miracle.
I'm finally ready to go to California.

hmmm yes sitting at the computer in videography yet again...mrs. copley is not here so no one is doing anything...the substitute teacher put in "moulan rouge" (spelling?) for us to watch, kinda funny how he is the only one watching it.


Nathan keeps getting all hurt and offended when I call him "goy"...it amuses me. For some reason.


Art...congratulations on finding out that medicine makes you feel better when you actually take the RECOMMENDED DOSE. *cough*

who's a silly goosefox???



Now...because I am so bored, I am going to go to lyricsdomain.com and type in the word "goosefox" and see what comes up and choose a song and post some of the lyrics here. If goosefox does not work I will try "goose" and then "fox". Ah, yes, the sweet scent of boredom.


Hmm James just walked in what on earth is he doing here? Wait he just disappeared. His bag is still here. Where hath Jamez gone?

Eeeh no more lyrics. I used Paint to draw my replication of "The Scream" so now I'm gonna be rich! Yay!

"I wanna give my vegetarian friend Sarah a testament to my dumbass-ness. Please sign my spam."

"Only you, Josh, only you...but sure."



Yeah, see, a can of spam, signed by vegetarians, given to a vegetarian, is the kind of gift that just screams "JOSH KAPLAN!!!" with the voice of a million high-pitched foghorns.

Hey so I remembered a couple things.

Went to stop and shop yesterday to get stuff with which to make chocolate chip cookies. Nick was working there so I harassed him just a little. Fun times.
"1939...that was a good year."



And...tomorrow is myne Scottiekins's last day at GHS...aaaaaahhh...she is only moving the next town over...but we will not be seeing her at school anymore...*cries*

Actually for some reason apathy is kicking in on this one...or maybe it just hasn't registered yet.

But...at some point I will pretend to be myne Scottiekins's cousin and I will go to school with her and go to all her classes with her. : D

Scottie actually went to her to-be new school for the first half of the day today and she said it's a really nice school and the people are really nice which is cool but it's kind of sketchy because everyone there already knows who she is...some student she hadn't met at that point said "Hi, Sam" when she passed them in the hall. That's just FREAKY.

"Your destiny lies before you, choose wisely."
Hmm...decisions decisions...

Hmm yes so it has been a few days since I last posted, I was unable to use the internet...so there's lots of stuff I've been wanting to post about but of course I've forgotten more than half of it.

The other day I had a really random and hilarious phone conversation with Art, neither of us have any clue how or why it was allowed to continue for so long, but as a result, now every time Art meets someone new, he will ask them if their father makes Jewish alternative music. Right, Art?

Had my camera after school today, so now Shreya hates me again. *sigh*...what else is new? : P

Confirmation tonight, quite a bit more fun than usual...we played this reality game where we were given random identities of people needing various services such as welface, health insurance, food stamps, etc, and we went to these different booths and tried to get the things we needed. I was a 65 year old woman who lived in a shelter and I was unable to work because I couldn't use my left arm. The guy running the food pantry booth gave me 3 days' supply of food and told me not to come back until I had a job...but I could not work because I was old and could only use one arm...which he did not seem to understand....*sigh* reality kinda sucks.
But it was still a fun game, better than usual classes.
Josh gave me my Hannukah present tonight as well. A can of spam, signed by all the vegetarians he knows at his school. Hehehe...wow...I am keeping it as a souvenior of his insanity.
I would like to note that Josh still has marks on his arm from last month when he tried to prove that if you cut yourself with a plastic knife, it will not leave a mark. Never ever ever gonna let him forget this. : D

James wore a pink cowboy hat to school today. Classic.








"You seem so out of context
In this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key
Explaining that 'I'm just visiting'
And I am finally seeing
That I was the one worth leaving"

This is what you should be illegally downloading this week,
Make the RIAA cry.

eh, whatever.

Ever feel like, when someone is talking to you, that what they're telling you was planned out in a certain way to get a point across without actually having to straight out tell you what they want to say to you?
Like...talking to you about something that they ordinarily wouldn't tell you. Or just saying something in a weird way, to make what they're saying all the more obvious. To get a point across. Yeah. I swear this isn't completely random, it just happened....unless I'm imagining things which I do not think I am...but oh well. It's not like I have been "told" anything I didn't know in the first place.

Me: I just saw a bike.
Devon: Where?
Me: It just went across the street.
Devon: ...Really now?
Me: Yeah.
Devon: What kind of bike?
Me: I don't know...it was dark colored. Like green but not.
Devon: You see, light green and dark colored just don't go together.
Me: Like green!
Devon: Oh.
Me: I swear, I saw a bike.
Devon: ...Was it pink and glowing?
Me: ...Yes.
Devon: Sarah, was the bike talking to you?

later...

Me: You have to not make me laugh!
Devon: You have to not see talking bikes!



In the words of Devon, this was one of those conversations that really only makes sense while it's happening.

"But maybe you should open this when you're alone so you can display all the feminine excitement from recieving a card from the Alpha Male."

Oh man...Nathan...you amaze me.

Tori: You are the most insane person I know.
James: Thank you.
Me: I still haven't decided between you and Josh.
James: ...Can Josh do a split?
Me: No.
James: Well I can!
Me: I know.

I have a videocamera. Sadly, it is not mine, it is the school's. But for the weekend...it is mine. My group needs to use it after school on Friday, but Mrs. Copley will not be here on Friday so someone had to sign it out for the weekend and just take it home with them. I volunteered. : D I am going to have fun...hopefully filming for the project won't take too long and then Iwill just mess around with the camera getting random shots of my friends until the battery dies.






Are you hanging on for hope?
It's all you got worth living for
Is it much too much to cope the road out?
There's a tension when we speak
The income's overrated but
It's worth it when me meet on common ground

yeah so last time I had one of these only one person filled it out...come on now, everyone, please...



1)Your first name:
2)My first name:
3)Rate our relationship 1-10:
4)Rate my looks 1-10:
5)If I died would you cry?:
6)Do you love me LIKE THAT:
7)Do you love me as a friend:
8)Would you EVER kiss me:
9)Hug me?:
10)Would you ever buy me something?:
11)Would you ever want to be my boyfriend or girlfriend?:
12)Are we best friends?:
13)Do you trust me?:
14)Am I funny?:
15)Do you like the way I dress?:
16)Do I give good advice?:
17)Would you trust me alone with your crush:
18)If I died would you come to my funeral?:
19)What do you think I’ll be when I grow up?:
20)When's my birthday?:
21)Do we fight alot?:
22)Do you care about me?:
23)Are you there for me?:
24)Am I there for you?:
25)Am I fun to talk to on the phone?:
27)If you could give me some advice right now about ANYTHING, what would it be?:
28)When we hang out together...do you have fun??:
29)Do we chill alot?:
30)Have we ever went out?:
31)Have we kissed?:
32)Whats our best memory together?:
33)Whats our worst memory?:
34)Anything you would change about me?:
35)Whats my best feature...can be physical..?:
36)Worst feature?:
37)If we had one last day together, what would you say to me, what would we do:
38)Do I remind you of any celebs?:
39)What do you think will happen to me in the future?:
40)How would you describe me to someone else?:
41)What song reminds you of me?:
42)If we could go anywhere together, where would it be:
43))**Opposite sex** Do you think I'm pretty or hot or cute??:
44Would you consider me one of your best friends for a girl or guy:
45)How far would you go with me?:
46)If you could set me up with someone, who would it be?:

|| Person who last.. ||
[x]Slept in your bed: well other than me? emily, shreya, and steph....yes, at the same time. *grin*
[x]Made you cry: umm...devon when she scared the crap out of me 2 weeks ago
[x]You went to the movies with: josh and dave I think it was
[x]Yelled at you: in anger? don't recall...
[x]Sent you an email: josh

|| Have you ever.. ||
[x]Said "I love you" and meant it? yes
[x]Gone out in public in your pajamas: probably
[x]Kept a secret from everyone: yes
[x]Cried during a movie: no
[x]Ever at anytime owned new kids on the block stuff: no
[x]Planned your week based on the TV Guide: haha nope
[x]Been on stage: no
[x]Been to New York: yes
[x]Been to California: no
[x]Hawaii: no
[x]China: no
[x]Canada: no
[x]Europe: no
[x]Asia: no
[x]South America: no
[x]Australia: not yet
[x]Walmart or target?: yes
[x]Wished you were the opposite sex: nope
[x]What time is it now?: 6:39 pm
[x]Apples or bananas?: apples
[x]Blue or red?: red
[x]Spring or Fall?: spring
[x]What are you gonna do after you finish this?: continue talking to art probably
[x]What was the last meal you ate?: cereal
[x]High school or college?: not a clue what you are asking
[x]Are you bored?: just a tad bit...but if i wasn't i wouldn't be doing this rediculous thing
[x]Last noise you heard?: phone ringing
[x]Last smell you sniffed?: air
[x]Last time you went out of state/province?: don't know accurately

|| Friendship/Love ||
[x]Do you believe in love at first sight?: very rarely
[x]Do you want children one day & if so, how many?: sure, 2 or 3 I guess
[x]Most important thing to you in a friendship is: I'll be cliché and say "communication"

|| Other Info ||
[x]Criminal record?: no
[x]Do you speak any other languages?: not fluently
[x]Last book you read: By the Sword
[x]Name some of your favorite things in your bedroom?: my hermit crabs : D
[x]Thing you dislike about yourself the most: surprisingly enough, inability to stay angry
[x]Worst feeling in the world: loneliness
[x]Who you love: my friends
[x]Who you miss: emily....brooke and alexia and all those other psychos from camp...

|| You ||
[x]Nickname(s): sarah beara/sarie bearie (art)....suga (josh)....pirate (camp 2003)...
[x]Initials: SAS
[x]How old do you look?: 14-17?
[x]How old do you act?: wish I knew how I was supposed to answer that one
[x]Glasses/Contacts: both
[x]Do you have any pets?: uber ralph and mallow
[x]You get embarrassed: at stupid things I manage to say
[x]What makes you happy?: being with my friends
[x]What upsets you?: lot of things

|| Finish the sentence: ||
[x]I Love to...take pictures of people
[x]I Miss....camp
[x]I Wish... for many impossible things
[x]I Hope... for many impossible things
[x]I'm Annoyed by...many infuriating things
[x]I Am...me
[x]I Want to Be...able to put the paper back up on the walls of my room
[x]I Would Never... jump off a bridge?
[x]I'd Rather... blah?
[x]I Am Tired of...many things
[x]I Will Always be...myself

|| Have you ever.. ||
[x]Thought you were going to die: once...but I didn't really think I was going to die, per se...just get seriously burnt/otherwise injured..but becky saved me : P
[x]Wanted to Run away: not really
[x]Flunked a grade: no
[x]Skipped a grade: no

|| DESCRIBE ||
[x] The shoes you wore today: kristine's vans
[x] Your eyes: green/hazel
[x] Your fears: death, fire

|| WHAT IS ||
[x] Your most overused phrase on aim: hahaha
[x] Your thoughts first waking up: "nooooo..."
[x] The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: hair/eyes/smile
[x] Your best physical feature: ...eyes?
[x] Your bedtime: 10-11
[x] Your most missed memory: camp last summer

|| YOU PREFER ||
[x] Pepsi or Coke: coke
[x] McDonald's or Burger King: neither.
[x] Single or group dates: I don't know?
[x] Adidas or Nike: chucks all the way
[x] Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
[x] Cappuccino or coffee: neither

|| DO YOU ||
[x] Smoke: no
[x] Curse: mmmmhmmm
[x] Take a shower everyday: for the most part yes
[x] Have any crushes?: yes
[x] Who are they: du du du...
[x] Want to go to college: yeah
[x] Like high school: sometimes
[x] Want to get married: sure
[x] Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: for the most part
[x] Believe in yourself: sometimes
[x] Get motion sickness: not really anymore
[x] Think you're a health freak: not really
[x] Get along with your parents: for the most part
[x] Like thunderstorms: only the way is smells outside afterwards

|| IN THE PAST MONTH DID / HAVE YOU ||
[x] Gone to the mall: yes
[x] Eaten sushi: no
[x] Been on stage: no
[x] Been dumped: no
[x] Gone skating: no
[x] Made homemade cookies: no
[x] Dyed your hair: no
[x] Stolen anything: no

|| HAVE YOU EVER ||
[x] Flown on a plane: yea
[x] Missed school because it was raining?: no
[x] Told a guy/girl that you liked them?: hahaha yes
[x] Cried during a Movie?: no
[x] Ever thought an animated character was hot?: wtf?
[x] Had an imaginary friend: *whistles*
[x] Cut your hair: yes
[x] Had crush on a teacher?: no
[x] Been caught "doing something": ?
[x] Been called a tease: no
[x] Gotten beaten up?: no
[x] Been in a fight: not seriously
[x] Shoplifted: no

|| THE FUTURE ||
[x] Age you hope to be married: don't really care
[x] Numbers of Children: 2 or 3
[x] Descibe your Dream Wedding: somewhere outdoors
[x] How do you want to die?: old age?
[x] What do you want to be when you grow up?: photographer/author/something with film
[x] What country would you most like to visit?: australia

|| OPPOSITE SEX ||
[x] Best eye color: any
[x] Best hair color: dark colors
[x] Short or long hair: longish
[x] Best height: doesn't matter
[x] Best weight: doesn't matter
[x] Best first date location: dunno
[x] Best first kiss location: dunno

|| NUMBER OF ||
[x] Number of drugs taken illegally: 0
[x] Number of people I could trust with my life: a few
[x] Number of CDs that I own: few dozen
[x] Number of piercings: 2
[x] Number of tattoos: 0
[x] Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? dunno
[x] Number of scars on my body: 4 or 5 (I found 2 new ones the other day...what?)
[x] Number of things in my past that I regret: many

|| FAVORITES ||
[x] Shampoo: H&S
[x] Fav Color(s): black, red
[x] Day/Night: day
[x] Summer/Winter: summer.
[x] Lace or Satin: satin
[x] Fave Cartoon: get fuzzy
[x] Fave Food: veggie lasagna
[x] Fave Movies: Donnie Darko, Boondock Saints, DPS, SLC Punk
[x] Fave sport: football

|| RIGHT NOW ||
[x] Right Now Wearing: movin' out tshirt and my favorite green cargo pants that can sadly no longer be worn at school due to inconveniently placed holes...
[x] Drinking: nothing
[x] Thinking about: this quiz
[x] Listening to: both parents talking on the phone...seperate phone lines...

|| IN THE LAST 24 HRS ||
[x] Cried: no
[x] Worn jeans: no
[x] Met someone new online: no
[x] Done laundry: no
[x] Drove a car: no

|| DO YOU BELIEVE IN ||
[x] Yourself: sometimes
[x] Your friends: yes
[x] Santa Claus: no
[x] Tooth Fairy: no
[x] Destiny/Fate: to a certain extent
[x] Angels: no
[x] Ghosts: sorta
[x] UFO's: no
[x] God: yes

|| FRIENDS AND LIFE ||

[x] Do you ever wish you had another name?: no
[x] Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?: no
[x] Do you like anyone?: yes
[x] Which one of your friends acts the most like you?: hehe...it's more like I act like a mixture of several of my friends
[x] Are you close to any family member?: not any more than another, really...
[x] What's the best feeling in the world?: hmmm..being in love
[x] Worst Feeling?: see above
[x] What time is it now?: 7:15...I had to leave for a while

One more thing that made me smile yesterday...

James: I won't drool I swear.



So yeah I'm in videography now but Brent's not here so we can't film our project today so I'm really bored...not a whole lot to say. Mrs. Copley told me all this stuff that I'll need for my portfolio if I want to go to film school, it sounds like fun...seriously. I love all this video whatnot. I have to learn how to draw though. Must practice drawing people. I cannot draw people. Must practice...so I want to elaborate and expand on the last project I did, the one where James wanted to jump off a bridge...make it into a longer video, and have a really good storyboard and a script and some costume sketches and stuff...and make a big fancy project out of it, maybe one to send off to colleges or something. I dunno. I still got 2 years wow I'm actually planning ahead for once. Sort of.

Please excuse that last post...twas just a mark of my insanity.

Yeah...so life seems to enjoy messing with my mind and confusing me quite a bit. Half the time I have no clue what it is I'm thinking or feeling...so why do I expect other people to understand? Or even listen to my rambling. I was talking with Devon after school today...she seems to know what I'm saying. I just keep repeating myself over and over again, saying the same thing each time and each time I say it the meaning doesn't change and it doesn't make any more sense and the answer isn't any easier. We know what we have to do. The problem is forcing ourselves to accept it. And we won't let ourselves. We can't. I won't. I will not allow myself to fade away like a shadow and pretend that nothing ever happened. So I will just keep saying the same things over and over to myself and anyone else who will listen and just hope that maybe eventually it will make more sense or the answer will be easier to accept, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.
So I'm just talking to myself here...on and on in my head arguing with myself repeating the same thing over and over the same impossible problem with the same unbearable solution. Ezra is getting annoyed. He does not understand what I'm thinking or why I'm ignoring the only way to get rid of this mess. He does not understand...now that just does not make sense. He has been conspicuously quiet lately and does not talk to me that often...maybe he will be leaving soon. *sigh*...then who will keep me sane?

- Josh

Hannukah again tonight...wooooo


There were three things that I can recall that made me smile today.

Kyle: Nice glasses. And hair. And scarf. Wow, that made my day.
Me: ...I don't like the glasses, but thanks.
Kyle: It's really cute.

Kristine: I still think you should tie him to a wall.
Devon: To a wall? How is that possible?
Me: It's to a pole, not a wall.
Kristine and Devon: Oh yeah.

And then after school, with a videocamera, draining a few batteries with some random footage of friends...always fun.






Do you know
Everyone you ever swore you'd love for life?
I don't know them anymore
I know their names
I'd recognize them on the street
But I don't love them

I would like to take a vacation.

Go somewhere far, far away from here.

Somewhere where it's warm and pretty and peaceful.

Nothing to worry about.

Everything taken care of.

Just stay there for a while.

Take a break from life.

And maybe I'll stay there long enough that by the time I get back...

Everything will have fixed itself.

Nothing to worry about.

Instead of the usual greeting life gives me when I get back from a vacation

"Welcome back."

"Here's your reality check, loser."

None of that.

That would be nice.


(no, this was not a poem...just set up in a weird way...)

Jews...revolting but smart.

- Josh

"Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That you're deserting
For better company?
I can't accept that it's over
And I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter
Of a tied game rivalry
So just say how to make it right
And I swear I'll do my best to comply
Tell me am I right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together"

"I feel I must interject here
You're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions
And gaps in history
So let me help you remember
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear
I've prepared a lecture on why I have to leave
So please back away and let me go"

"I can't my darling I love you so...
Tell me am I right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together"

"Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures"

"I admit I've made mistakes
And I swear I'll never wrong you again"

"You've got a lure I can't deny
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye..."

Happy Hannukah again!!
woo...yeah so I didn't wish you all happy hannukah yesterday, but I didn't get a chance to go on the computer...family hannukah party and all that. But hey, Dan and Irina came for a visit, I haven't seen them in a year...it was kind of strange, when Dan walked in the door...I almost didn't recognize him...it's only been a year...but he looks so different...he does not look like a scrawny teenager anymore. But it was kind of sad, as the night went on I kept thinking "aaaah I want my brother back!" He's so different now, he seems more mature, the sense of humor (kinda the way that Art gets when he's in a good mood that always reminds me of Dan..) is almost gone...I guess being in the air force and getting married changed Dan a lot more than I expected it to. It was really nice seeing him and everything...I just miss the way he was when I was a kid.

So yeah, there was the youth group hannukah fair today, I set my alarm so I'd wake up early enough to go in and help set up, when the alarm went off I rolled over to turn it off, rolled right off the bed. I've got a lovely bruise developing on my arm from whatever it was that I hit when I landed on the floor. I got to be the photographer at the fair *yay pictures*, which meant that I pretty much got to wander around and do whatever as long as I got pictures of kids having fun.

Joe's voice recital afterwards, Josh came along since his sister was in the recital too, he finally got to meet the eldest Schaffer child (Dan).

Josh: You're a Schaffer.
Dan: Hey, I'm Dan, nice to meet you.
Josh: You're Schaffer!
Dan: ...yeah. *starts talking to Joe*
Me: Josh, he's not used to your weirdness yet.
Josh: Not my problem.

Informati on
1. name: Your lord and savior, Jesus Christ.
2. single or taken: Single, as celibacy is the word of my father, the holy see.
3. sex: Minor deity status prohibits the revealing of this sacred scrap of information.
4. birthday: December 25th according to American pseudo-democratic capitalism.
5. Zodiac sign: The Cross.
6. siblings: Joe, Bob, Mordechai
7. hair color: Brown
8. eye color: Brown
9. shoe size: I only wore sandals.
10. height: As tall as I needed to be.

r e l a t i o n s h i p s
1. who are your best friends? The healing powers granted me by my father the holy see.
2. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: No, otherwise my apostles may revolt.
3. any tattoos or piercings: Scrotum...but you didn't hear that from me.

s p e c i f i c s
1. do you do drugs?: I can walk on water, can't I?
2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: Ancient Arabic recipe, I think it includes camel dung.
3. what are you most scared of?: Crucifixes.
5. who is the last person that called you?: My father, the holy see, comes to me in my dreams. I guess he's just not a family type of guy.
6. where do you want to get married?: SACRILEDGE!
7. how many buddies are online right now?: 12 apostles and a goat I named Balthazar when I was lonely and considering cutting myself the other night.
8. what would you change about yourself?: I wish the Romans liked me and Mel Gibson respected me. That cunt.

f a v o r i t e s
1. color: The color of my father, the holy see. Bright Purple.
2. food: I need no mortal nourishment.
3. boys names: Balthazar, Pubert, Achmed
4. girls names: Mary, Praline, Cookie, Balthazar
5. subjects in school: Meditation and Inner Healing
6. animals: Filthy, vile beasts of burden.
7. sports: Mel Gibson is a cunt.
8. ...to watch: RUGBY

h a v e y o u e v e r
1. smoked?: Back to the whole water walking thing again...what are you, a jewish mother gone sadist?
2. bungee jumped?: Only the power of my father, the hol- awww, forget it.
3. made yourself throw up?: In the name of my followers.
4. skinny dipped?: In the name of...uh...oops...SACRILEGE!
5: ever been in love?: With my manly titties. Those manly manly titties o' mine.
6. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: Of course not.
7. pictured your crush naked?: Balthazar, make those utters swing li- shit, this isn't my day. Uh...SACRILEGE!
8. actually seen your crush naked?: ...like the hairy little beast you are.
9. cried when someone died?: I meditate with a dash of inner healing upon their final resting place, with my father, the holy see.
10. lied: Mel Gibson is a cunt ON FIRE.
11. fallen for your best friend?: Those apostles do believe in homosexual love.
12. been rejected?: That homosexual love love lovin'.
13. rejected someone?: I accept all into my healing arms.
14. used someone?: ARMS OF DEATH!
15. regreted something?: That whole making Paul crawl up the hill with no arms or legs just to tell him he had a stain on his shirt...and then the whole Roman Guard and Canine Anal Lube incident...and...oh fuck, I give up. It's sacrilege and let's call it a day.

- Jesus...Josh...Jesus...Josh...JESUS

i n f o r m a t i o n
1. name: Sarah
2. single or taken: single
3. sex: female
4. birthday: May 28
5. Zodiac sign: gemini
6. siblings: Dan, Sam, Joe
7. hair color: brown
8. eye color: green
9. shoe size: 8
10. height: 5' 7"ish

r e l a t i o n s h i p s
1. who are your best friends? shre, devon, sam, kristine, art... there is more too many to type
2. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: nope
3. any tattoos or piercings: ears

s p e c i f i c s
1. do you do drugs?: nooooo
2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: head and shoulders
3. what are you most scared of?: death in general
5. who is the last person that called you?: key club person
6. where do you want to get married?: outside...on a beach or field or somewhere pretty like that
7. how many buddies are online right now?: 9
8. what would you change about yourself?: if I could transform abstract thoughts into coherent words that would be cool

f a v o r i t e s
1. color: red
2. food: veggie lasagna
3. boys names: Ezra, Joel
4. girls names: Jessi
5. subjects in school: horticulture
6. animals: cats, hermit crabs
7. sports: don't like sports...
8. ...to watch: RUGBY

h a v e y o u e v e r
1. smoked?: no
2. bungee jumped?: no
3. made yourself throw up?: no
4. skinny dipped?: no
5: ever been in love?: doubt it
6. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: no
7. pictured your crush naked?: don't think so?
8. actually seen your crush naked?: no
9. cried when someone died?: yes
10. lied: yes, lots
11. fallen for your best friend?: no
12. been rejected?: sorta
13. rejected someone?: yes
14. used someone?: no
15. regreted something?: yeah, there has got to be something, nothing is coming to mind right off though

r a n d o m
do you wear make-up?: eye liner sometimes, very very very rarely lipstick
favorite smell: outdoors after it rains
favorite movie: Boondock Saints
desktop picture: eh.
book you're reading: Macbeth
in cd player: BtE
in dvd player: nothing actually
color of toenails: nail colored?

l a s t p e r s o n
you hugged: Art
you imed: Nick
you yelled at: in anger? cannot recall...
you kissed: N/A

a r e y o u
understanding: yes
open-minded: I'd like to think so
arrogant: I hope not
insecure: sometimes
interesting: usually
random: of course
hungry: often
smart: sometimes
moody: sometimes
organized: usually
difficult: yes
attractive: sure why not
messy: a bit
obsessed: heehee

m o r e R a n d o m
in the morning i am: asleep, or wishing I was
all i need is: you
i dream about: very random things

o p p o s i t e s e x
what do you notice first: hair/eyes/smile
last person you slow danced with: N/A
worst question to ask: no idea
makes you smile: humor
Who has a crush on you: I do not know

d o y o u e v e r
sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: not all night
wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: not particularly
wish you were younger: sometimes...only when life gets really complicated
cry because someone said something to you?: rarely

N u m b e r
of times i have had my heart broken: none really
of hearts i have broken: no idea
of girls ive kissed: none
of continents i have lived in: 1
of tight friends: 4ish
of cds: few dozen
of scars on my body: 2 or 3

F i n a l Q u e s t i o n s
1. do you believe in God? yes
2. what was the last film you saw at the movies?: you know...I don't remember...there was another one after Hellboy (which sucked) but I don't remember what it was
3. favorite disney movie?: Mulan
4. what did you have for breakfast this morning?: fortune cookie
5. who would you love being locked in a room with?: not gonna say that here
6. could you live without your computer?: I'd say no except somehow I survive when at camp
7. would you color your hair?: maybe
8. habla espanol?: a little
9. what does your room look like?: white...I really wish I could put the paper back up...

Happy Hannukah again!!!
wooop


Devon...I love you.

Devon: You know what we should do...we should tie him to that pole over there...and then tickle him until he asks you out!
Me: *hysterical laughter*


Going to Coffeehouse tonight...see all you people who are going there....

yeah so copy this into a comment thing and fill out your answers and post the comment...and please please please since I don't have a comment counter leave a message in the tagboard if you filled this out...


1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
29. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?

Happy Hannukah again!




So sometimes there is a need for drastic measures, and yet they never seem to realize it...



If it makes you less sad
I'll move out of the state
You can keep to yourself
I'll keep out of your way
And if it makes you less sad
I'll take your pictures all down
Every picture you paint
I will paint myself out

Earlier this week I discovered the band Meshuggah. I was in Best Buy picking up some stuff for a few people, because of my kickass discount because of that card mi madre has and all, when I saw their new single. "Hmm", I thought, "those mp3s off their website were really good...and for 3 bucks it's more than worth it..." Honestly I have no idea how I got this for 3 bucks, because even online it's around 10 or so, but Best Buy kicks ass, so whaeva.
It's one song.
Just one.
Truly a single.
Song title is a single letter, to boot.
The song is 21 minutes long.

I've listened to it four times now. The first three it just sounded like total gibberish put together (I mean honestly...at first glance I didn't understand what any of it meant). But on that fourth listen it just hit me.
Degradation of society.
Being swallowed up by it.
This is the deepest song I've heard in a long time:

Meshuggah - I

I
I - this fractal illusion burning away all structure toward the obscene
I - to cleanse, to purge, to breach eternity and smother all life
Blind - these mortal men of clay, divine and dying in their harnessed form
I - this furnace of limitless hate. Bestial, pure

The pendulum swings semi-attached to the centre of all
I drug these minds into ruin and contempt - the acid smoke of burning souls

This is an anomaly. Disabled. What is true?
Not destined for incarceration. I crave my nothingness

This illness that they whisper of, is that what makes me fail?
I see through the eyes of the blind
Not clear what it is to be this self I dread, the immense, the rabid I am
The cogs turn, grinding away at ceaselessness - willing it to dust

Re-desintegration. Convulse. A dead universe - Impales this twilight
Fear aligns. Sadistic me. Meant to devour. Despair
Sickened by the fact that immortality is not mine to have

A snail along a straight razor - dividing itself through motion
I charge this feeble product of god
Laughing, drenched in the bile of millions
Chewing on the stinking flesh of the crown of creation

Solitude in splendor has been rivalled
Shrouds stained with tarblack vomit
Veiling the rotting eyes of the masses
The strain of armageddon evolves

Shifting through worlds from chaos, to chaos, to chaos
I devour this manure of existence - infertile, barren, whole
Rancid redeemer. Virulent deterioration of faith

Sacrilege in persona. In truth, fundamentally twisted
A witness to this savage carnage. A frenzy of animosity
The will to mutilate. Dominant deviation
The worship of the sick and degenerate will spread

Conception derived from misconceptions
The dimensionless features of truth
Silence in the core of undoing
Untie its knots and set it loose

The inertia of my existence is clear
Premutations of slaughtered worlds
I alone will behold the dying sky
A servant of eternity

Progress finally, emergence of doom complete
Here only to reverse the flow of life
I



Oh, and HAPPY HANUKKAH, GOYIM!

- Joshy-poo

Happy Hannukah again!
wooot


After school was fun, I was going to practice lighting and Andrew and Phil were going to get to sit on stools and have bright lights pointing at them, but then Mrs. Copley wasn't there and I didn't know what I was doing...so we went to Chuckie's.
Art's hair was not slimy today.



Lots of hilarious bits from Confirmation tonight, but of course, being myneself, I cannot remember a word of it...

Happy Hannukah everyone. First night tonight. Let the insanity begin.



Mrs. Copley: Will you please stop rubbing his nipple?


Me: Yeah, all my friends keep saying that...
Susan: Hey, I didn't say anything. I just thought that you two looked cute together.


Devon: You two should really go out...I'm waiting for it to happen...and when it does, I'm going to like, throw myself a party.




"Please let the snow swallow the streets whole
Keep the bus from coming let us stay at home"

Phil: You! Stealer of scarves!
Me: You traded it to me...for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Went to the synagogue this morning to sell bagels with Joshy-poo and Davey.

Josh: *walks up, hiding something in hands* So after fixing the coffeemaker, I came up with a new invention...a pickle cookie! *opens hands, revealing chocolate chip cookie covered in chopped pickles*
Me: Eww...
Josh: *eats pickle cookie*

Josh: Hey, jumping off a bridge with my gay lover is fun, but that doesn't mean I do that all the time...wait.

Josh: I tried to make pies, but it didn't work...I tried twice, but they died...they died before they were even born...they were stillborn pies.

Me: see this kind of thing provokes the "oh baby" type comments that you classify as hitting on you
Josh: u can like, hit on me or whatever
Josh: just...not last night



stolen from Scottiekins...


*Sex: Female
*Age: 15
*Birthday: May 28
*Place of Birth: Connecticut
*Siblings: 3 brothers, one sister in law
*Parents: ...mother and father?
*Pets: 2 hermit crabs
*Height: 5'7"
*Weight: 140-ish
*Hair Colour: dark brown
*Eye Colour: hazel/green
*Eye Colour of Choice: ...purple
*Writing Hand: right
*Current Residence: ...my house

BODY ILLS AND SKILLS
*Do you bite your nails?: No
*Can you roll your tongue?: yes
*Can you raise one eyebrow at a time?: sadly, no
*Can you blow smoke rings?: Not that I know of
*Can you blow spit bubbles?: Of course
*Can you cross your eyes?: no
*Tattoos?: none
*Piercings and where?: ears
*Do you make your bed daily?: half-assed job

CLOTHES
*What goes on first, bra or underwear?: I..don't...know...?
*Which shoe goes on first?: never thought about that one
*Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone?: of course. I have also beaten people with them.
*On the average, how much money do you carry in your purse/wallet?: $5 if I ever actually have my wallet with me
*What jewelry do you wear 24/7?: used to be star necklace til it got lost in that damn lake...now black rubber bracelet things
*What's sexiest on a guy?: ummmm...tank top/sleeveless shirt/whatever you people call it
*Would you rather be on time and look OK or 10 minutes late and look great?: On time and look okay...
*Favourite piece of clothing: Sam's pants that I'm wearing now...I think I may steal these...

FOOD*Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?: both
*How many cereals in your cabinet?: 4 or 5 maybe?
*What utensils do you use to eat pizza?: fingers
*Do you cook?: yeah

GROOMING
*How often do you brush your teeth?: twice a day
*How often do you shower/bathe?: once a day
*How long does your shower last?: 10-15 minutes
*Hair drying method: Drys on its own
*Do you paint your nails?: Occasionally

MANNERS
*Do you swear?: all the time, under my breath or in my head
*Do you ever spit?: Sometimes...Not often
*Do you pee in the shower?: No...that is...an odd question haha

IN AND AROUND
*The CD Player: my latest mix
*Person you talk most on the phone with: Josh
*What colour is your bedroom?: white. I hate it.
*Do you use an alarm clock?: yes
*Name one thing you are obsessed with: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...Sma and Scottiekins know...
*Have you ever skinny-dipped with the opposite sex?: no
*Ever sunbathed nude?: Not a chance in hell
*Window seat or aisle? um..back corner, not that that's a choice
*What's your sleeping position?: side
*What kind of bed do you like?: Mine
*Even in hot weather do you use a blanket?: usually
*Do you snore?, sleepwalk? or talk?: snore/talk
*How about with the light on?: no
*Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on?: sometimes CD player

GIRL QUESTIONS, GAY MALE TOO
*What is the first thing you notice when you look at a guy?: hair/smile
*What do you think of cheating?: no. just...no. I fail to understand why anyone would do that...
*Makeup: very very rarely
*Virgin?: Of course

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
*Took a shower?: last night
*Watched Bambi: Never seen it
*Cried?: monday
*Talked on the phone?: an hour ago
*Read a book?: few days ago
*Punched someone: don't recall...I tend to slap people who annoy me rather than punch...as Art knows...

THE FUTURE
*Where do you see yourself in ten years?: film school if I have any luck
*Who are you going to be married to?: I dunno
*How many kids?: 2 or 3 I guess
*Your profession: photographer...author...something with film...
*Future School: no clue...

So yeah I haven't really been updating when I mean to so by the time I remember to update the stuff I wanted to write about happened a few days ago, but I'll write about it anyway. Okay, maybe one day ago so it's not that big a deal. : P
So yesterday James and I stayed after school with maybe 15 others to make blankets for homeless people...it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. The blankets were warm and fuzzy too. It was that kind of blanket that an idiot could make, pieces of fleece, you make cuts all along the edges and then tie the pieces together...it probably would have helped to have working scissors, but we weren't special enough to have such things...James got a pair of lefty scissors and somehow kept injuring himself with them.
Between all of us we made 20 blankets (go us!). James finally got to see the video he was in afterwards, and then we went outside, and lo and behold...Emily came to visit!!! She moved to Rocky Hill end of last year and we haven't seen her since but she walked to the high school and we were all attacking her and screaming and it was really cool to see her again. Alas when I was hugging her we lost our balance and fell in a mud puddle, which wasn't cool.

Emily: So I come back to visit and already I've been molested, bitten, and humped.
Me: Isn't it great to be back?










"I'm sick of waiting
And hesitating
I want you taking
This heart of mine"