Went to the synagogue this morning to sell bagels with Joshy-poo and Davey.

Josh: *walks up, hiding something in hands* So after fixing the coffeemaker, I came up with a new invention...a pickle cookie! *opens hands, revealing chocolate chip cookie covered in chopped pickles*
Me: Eww...
Josh: *eats pickle cookie*

Josh: Hey, jumping off a bridge with my gay lover is fun, but that doesn't mean I do that all the time...wait.

Josh: I tried to make pies, but it didn't work...I tried twice, but they died...they died before they were even born...they were stillborn pies.