Me: What are you two schmucks doing?
Devon: We're microwaving the pizzas.
Me, Devon, Phil: *talking...*
Me: *walks back to table, sits, talks to Kristine*
5 minutes later...
Devon: HEY! Did you just call me a schmuck!?!

Devon (to me): No, when I rule the world, you'll be my girlfriend. James and Phil will be my bitches.

Sliding on grass...in the rain...in denim..works in theory.
But doesn't everything?

Joe: Look at the size of that puddle. Whoa baby, that's a monster.
*Josh carefully eyes the puddle, turning it into an exacting and precise science, taking in all our wet little friend has to offer. He slowly analyzes each and every little ripple, every drop he gives a name...*
Josh: OH SWEET RAPTURE!

Sploosh.

Wet, cold, numb Josh

Yee-friggin-haw!
..

Josh is in Joe's pants tonight.
All the way in Joe's pants.
In the basement.
Grunting.
And continuously squatting.

...Josh's pants are in the dryer.




Sarah here. Josh is over and we're working in the basement for my parents and of course, with Josh, lots of amusing stuff happens, so as we go we shall blog.

On The Razor:
Me: Did you just try to impale the flying box on the razor?
*Josh holds up empty razor case*
Josh: Well, it could've worked...

Me: JOSH! We DO use those boxes, you know. We break them down now to save space, but we tape them up later to ship stuff in. Gah, you idiot.
Josh: Ummmmm....
Me: Whatever, it was a mouse.
Josh: Yes. It was a mouse. A very sharp mouse.

Me: THAT'S A PERFECTLY GOOD SHIPPING BOX! YOU IDIOT!
Josh: Heheheh
Me: That's it, NO more razor for Josh!

On Wire Cutters:
Me: What the...
Josh: The rubber band wasn't my friend.
*Josh drops about 16 pieces of rubber band on floor*
Me: That's it, NO more wire cutters for Josh!

Josh: Okay, no, I have this rule where my feet can only go completely numb once a day.




"This is the only house where I can see the word Poop written on a piece of paper out in the open and not wonder one bit why it's there."

Casa Schaffer rules.


*DINNER BREAK!*

Dinner

Josh: That would be so cool though, if you could talk to inanimate objects.
Josh: You'd never get bored!
Joe: *smacks forehead*
Joe: Yeah...actually, that would be kinda cool. *looks around* Hello, phone.
Josh: But that actually talks back.
Joe: But that's a real person on the other end there.
Josh: AHA, but how do you actually KNOW that?? Eh...could be like...you know, a matrix thing.
Joe: But the matrix had nothing to do with phones.
Mr. Schaffer: And while we're on the subject of phones...

...On the new phone line:
Joe: Alright, but is it okay if it takes a few days for everyone to get used to this?
Mr Schaffer: Yeah, that's fine.
Josh: But what if I "forget" and call the main line?
Mr Schaffer: You I'll slap.
*later*
Josh: I'm imagining you slapping me right now....*awkward pause*...and I kinda like it.

Josh: I'm imaging a legion of hapless broccoli people squirming around on my plate, crawling over each other to escape the fork of death...yes...there they go...but no, I'm not even eating them at this point, just stabbing...stab stab stab....oh, the look on their faces! Glee!
*Mr. Schaffer stares blankly*
Josh: LOOK! One made it all the way to the meatballs! Die, little one! *throws fork*
Mr. Schaffer (in falsetto): The little green faces, contorted in pure terror.
Joe: You're both crazy.
Josh: .......
Josh: You don't see it?

Josh: *stabbing plate* You're not my friend!
Me: ...The meatball?
Josh: The cheese wouldn't get off the fork...
Me: uh huh...




As of today, Josh has had his razor, wire cutter, and knife privileges revoked.