Yeah...so life seems to enjoy messing with my mind and confusing me quite a bit. Half the time I have no clue what it is I'm thinking or feeling...so why do I expect other people to understand? Or even listen to my rambling. I was talking with Devon after school today...she seems to know what I'm saying. I just keep repeating myself over and over again, saying the same thing each time and each time I say it the meaning doesn't change and it doesn't make any more sense and the answer isn't any easier. We know what we have to do. The problem is forcing ourselves to accept it. And we won't let ourselves. We can't. I won't. I will not allow myself to fade away like a shadow and pretend that nothing ever happened. So I will just keep saying the same things over and over to myself and anyone else who will listen and just hope that maybe eventually it will make more sense or the answer will be easier to accept, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.
So I'm just talking to myself here...on and on in my head arguing with myself repeating the same thing over and over the same impossible problem with the same unbearable solution. Ezra is getting annoyed. He does not understand what I'm thinking or why I'm ignoring the only way to get rid of this mess. He does not understand...now that just does not make sense. He has been conspicuously quiet lately and does not talk to me that often...maybe he will be leaving soon. *sigh*...then who will keep me sane?