4.11.04
Hey all. Today on The Dreaded Snark we have a guest author. You guessed it...ME! Who is me? A better question would be "who am I?". But I'll excuse your bad grammar this one time. This ONE time, understand.
I am Josh. Just Josh to you, nothing special. If you so desire you may in fact call me "Daddy", but beware as I take that more seriously than you think. "Grand Poobah" is also an option.
Anyway, Sarah has asked me to use my insanely kickass near-photographic extraterrestrially enhanced memory capabilities to mark down some quotes from Confirmation class yesterday in this time-immemorial opus to her life.
But you see, this post is MINE. The Dreaded Snark has entered the dangerous realm of...Josh's World.
Prepare for the ride of your life. I'm only kidding. It's MY life we're going to be discussing here. My whole life story in fact. I hope you came with proper supplies to camp out for today, as I am about to simply copy/paste 4,658 Times New Roman 12 point font single-spaced pages of absolute glor- ...
asdsdkadOUCHdsjasllTHEFUCKsdsdlhol;weyrojh23o4780
nlerhjlenwuhjGETlsdahkjerOFFlkjsaljhOFjsdljsad34uhfMEashj..
Well, it seems The Dreaded Snark has an automatic Hunter Daemon attack system I was not aware of. To be blunt, an ugly little spawn of Satan's loins appeared in a cloud of brimstone and dust from my computer screen and attacked me. The scars will be on display for whoever is brave of heart and mind.
To avoid another such life-endangering attack from an ugly little bugger who I suspect is related to Shaquille O'Neal, I'll do what Sarah asked and present to you:
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I am Josh. Just Josh to you, nothing special. If you so desire you may in fact call me "Daddy", but beware as I take that more seriously than you think. "Grand Poobah" is also an option.
Anyway, Sarah has asked me to use my insanely kickass near-photographic extraterrestrially enhanced memory capabilities to mark down some quotes from Confirmation class yesterday in this time-immemorial opus to her life.
But you see, this post is MINE. The Dreaded Snark has entered the dangerous realm of...Josh's World.
Prepare for the ride of your life. I'm only kidding. It's MY life we're going to be discussing here. My whole life story in fact. I hope you came with proper supplies to camp out for today, as I am about to simply copy/paste 4,658 Times New Roman 12 point font single-spaced pages of absolute glor- ...
asdsdkadOUCHdsjasllTHEFUCKsdsdlhol;weyrojh23o4780
nlerhjlenwuhjGETlsdahkjerOFFlkjsaljhOFjsdljsad34uhfMEashj..
Well, it seems The Dreaded Snark has an automatic Hunter Daemon attack system I was not aware of. To be blunt, an ugly little spawn of Satan's loins appeared in a cloud of brimstone and dust from my computer screen and attacked me. The scars will be on display for whoever is brave of heart and mind.
To avoid another such life-endangering attack from an ugly little bugger who I suspect is related to Shaquille O'Neal, I'll do what Sarah asked and present to you:
THE TOP THREE MOST KICKASS CONVERSATIONS FROM CONFIRMATION YESTERDAY
A Spattered Faeces Production
3. Dave: And finally, I believe I can fly.
Mr. Wallins: Excellent. Alright, class, next week we shall be convening on the roof for a demonstration.
2. Josh: Wow Mr. Rosenberg, that's a really creepy look you're giving me. In fact, the last time I remember getting that look I spent two weeks in the hospital.
Mr. Rosenberg: This time I'm gunning for three.
Josh: Those two weeks scarred me for life...I never thought they'd hire a nurse named Bubba..
1. Andy: You know in that Willy Wonka movie how he promised all those kids everything in his factory was edible? He lied! There were tons of Oompa Loompas in there, and not a single one was edible!
Josh: What is wrong with you?! We don't know that, the kids never actually tried eating one.
Zach: Josh, you'd eat an Oompa Loompa, wouldn't you..
Josh: Hell. Yes.
And there you go. This is Joshua Kaplan, Guest Writer, signing off.
When hell is full the dead shall walk the Earth. ~Uncle Scrotus
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